Experiencing Freedom Through Forgiveness

Experiencing freedom through forgiveness…

That statement is a mouth full in itself. Many people do not realize how much freedom you really can have when you TRULY forgive. Would you consider that different people may allow different "levels" of forgiveness? I've heard many people say, "Well I'll forgive them, but I'll NEVER forget what they've done to me!" No, there are some things that you never forget, but what attitude do you approach that “thing” with? Have you REALLY forgiven or are you just trying to convince yourself and others in order to "satisfy", or in an attempt to find peace in the situation? It will show in your actions and attitude toward those who have wronged you! Words aren't enough, but forgiveness must be expressed in one's actions toward the offender!  Webster defines the word “forgive” as: “to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong); to stop blaming (someone); to stop feeling anger about (something); to forgive someone for (something wrong); to stop requiring payment of (money that is owed)”.  That being said, do you REALLY forgive?

Forgiveness is something I have had to practice throughout the majority of my life, and I don't know many who haven't! Otherwise, a life of bitterness, which ultimately causes all other sorts of discomforts, will be their fate. I know people who have suffered so much bitterness and hate which has resulted in sickness and illness most all their life.  Science has even proven this to be true.  Each person faces their own situations. What may seem small to others, may be something big to us. So, to say that one has practiced it more, or better, would be wrong. We all have to deal with forgiveness on a DAILY basis, and in our own way!

It seems that now that I'm older and talk with those who were a part of my life as I was growing up, they are surprised to hear the attitude I have towards my past and those people who have really hurt me in one way or another, whether it be through physical, sexual or mental abuse, and even through rejection after rejection beginning at a young age. That's not to say that I don't still deal with certain aspects, such as rejection, and long for acceptance, but the way I look at those people in my past is in a different attitude as many around me. My perspective is a bit different. I’ve never been a person of anger. My reaction to hurts, rejection, abuse, misuse has always been that of tears and resulted in affecting my self-esteem. You see it was never the other person that had done something wrong but in my eyes it was that I was never "good enough" or wasn’t able to be all that I needed to be to win the love, approval and acceptance that I so longed for, and needed. This was something that began early in my childhood. As I look back, many times it's not even someone else that I needed to forgive, but myself. 

As I sit here writing, something I wrote down a while back comes to mind, "My life is that of an open book, for the most part. It's pages are wrinkled and torn, but they've been shared with many, and for this reason may it be possible I was born. To touch the life of someone else and show them the Lord's keeping power. He has been so faithful throughout every page of my life, none left out, not even one hour!" He has been ever so faithful to me regardless of any circumstance. He WILL deliver you through every circumstance in your life but first you must be willing to give it to Him and not hang on to the pain and feelings associated with it. Even scripture speaks of forgiveness. 

Matthew 6:14-15, "For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” It clearly states, we MUST forgive to be forgiven.  It doesn’t say forgive small things only, we must forgive ALL. I don’t know about you, but I want to walk in forgiveness.

We may have valleys, but while there in the valley He has so many things to teach us. The valleys are nothing, though, in comparison to the beauty that lies ahead on top of the mountain. Our growing times come while in the valley and that prepares us for the climb up the mountain. You see there may be others who need help along the journey who don't have that freedom that we have experienced. It is so vital that we allow the Lord to liberate us by letting go of all that we hold inside our hearts in those secret, hidden places. There have been so many times when I think of that poem "Footprints In the Sand" because I know that He MUST have been carrying me. We may not be able to trust anyone down here, but no matter what may come our way we can trust in Him as He truly is a Trustworthy God! 

In a recent conversation with a friend, I was asked if I indeed would not rejoice at the calamity or demise of a person who hurt me very badly as a teenager which resulted in changing my whole life. At one time I held so much bitterness and fear in my heart toward this person that I can't tell you I wouldn't have wished for his death. After all, as a teenager in a very vulnerable position, he took advantage of me and robbed me of my innocence. After several years of counseling and "ungodly" advise the Lord began to deal with my heart. I believe it was around the age of 18 (about 4 years later), the Lord began to deal with me. 

You see, there was NOTHING in my life more important than serving the Lord and pleasing Him. So many times I would ask the Lord to please show me that He loved me, even when I felt so unloveable. So many times I felt so alone and wanted to feel loved. When I would cry out to Him He never failed to show me that He was there and I needed not fear being alone. He always showed me how much He loved me regardless of what I felt from others! Oh yes, there were things I longed for down here like a family to “fit” in, a "mother-daughter" relationship, a dad, a "best friend" and someone I could confide in and know would always be there no matter what, BUT, as badly as I wanted all of those there was nothing more important than pleasing Him. I knew ultimately that would be what determined the outcome of my future. When it’s all said and done, are we living pleasing to Him…not just in word, but in deeds?

The Lord really dealt with me in the area of forgiveness. So many scriptures came to mind mainly the one that states that we are not only to forgive 7 times, but 70X7! WOW! As I began to think on these scriptures I wondered about how that I could expect the Lord to forgive me when I harbored so much pain and unforgiveness myself. He forgives us so freely, and how is it that it is so difficult for us to forgive others? We don’t work for it. We don’t have to beg for it. 

He gave His LIFE for us, but we won't even just let things go and move on, setting the other person free to ask and accept forgiveness and move on themselves to a path of healing and freedom in Him. How can we even think that we deserve something more than we are willing to give others? I know myself that through experiences in life I have learned that when I do actually love or care about someone there is nothing I would not be willing to do for them! I would put myself in front of them if someone were standing there ready to end their life. That's what true love and commitment means, when you are willing to lay down your life for those who mean the most. I know there are not many out there willing to give this type of love and commitment anymore. It's hard to even find a friend who'll stick by you through the good AND the bad, let alone willing to lay down their life. As much as I was willing to do that, the Lord began to deal with me in that I wasn't willing to let things, or people who had wronged me in the past go, and allow them to also "forget" what had taken place and move on. 

If we would only come to the realization that the feelings we are harboring toward others are destroying us and our freedom to grow into what He would have us be. How can we minister to the hurting when we won't even let go of our own pain, or we choose to live life “repaying” those who have wronged us? It is a conscious choice! We must decide that no matter how bad that person may have done us we cannot let our attitude and actions about it shape the rest of our lives. As a child I was molested at the age of 5, physically and mentally abused by people around me growing up, suffered constant feelings of rejection from the age of 2 when my father was estranged due to his alcoholic and abusive behaviors, my husband left after 8 years and divorcing after almost 10 years of marriage (after being involved in pornography while working in the ministry), have been rejected time and time again by those I loved and would have done anything I could possibly do to please and "earn" their love. I always took a "back seat" to everyone and everything around therefore affecting my self esteem. I can't say that I don't struggle at times with feelings of rejection, but seriously, who doesn’t? I began to realize that maybe there’s a reason God is keeping you at a distance from people and things. His way of protecting us is often far beyond our understanding.  He has been so faithful when "people" "all people" have let us down. Yes! I could very easily choose to walk in unforgiveness.  I could carry the pain all my life, but what would it benefit? Do you think those people are suffering for what they did? Well, some may live with the guilt, but most often, NO! When all is said and done, they will give account to Him ultimately. He is right there willing to forgive them as much as He is me.  You have to choose to walk in it though.  It’s a choice! No, I’ll never forget those things I faced through the years, but is it painful, not really. When we forgive others we’re allowing Him to do a healing work in us and bring a freedom that everyone just doesn’t experience. We no longer walk as the victim, and someone who is ashamed of our past, but we can go share what God has done for us and WILL do for them as well, if they will just FORGIVE!

There are still a few struggles along the way with my feelings of worthiness, but I’ve also come to realize that none of us are “worthy” for anything.  Our worth and value comes through and from Him.  No one down here can determine that but Him…and we have to choose to walk under His covering in that and not allow others to treat us any less. Don’t keep company with those who try to determine your value themselves, and try to discourage you. Walk in confidence in Him. Stick with those who know your worth and value and can see you as someone growing and walking in His love and forgiveness. It is with His confidence that we can share and watch others be set free as well.

He'll be everything you need when you need it.

I am reminded of the song that Ann Downing has written, "Earth Has NO Sorrow That Heaven Can't Heal". There is no other way to say it. There is nothing that we face down here that He (and He alone) can't heal, but we must be willing to allow Him into those secret places of our hearts to perform that healing. 

I have found that freedom that comes through forgiveness. It hasn't been an easy road, but much growth has come through it. I can't tell you that I don't deal with it daily. People don't realize how much their attitude and acceptance toward someone can affect that person, and being tenderhearted as I am, I have dealt with many feelings of hurt and rejection, but He has been faithful to free me from those feelings, BUT, only as I have allowed Him. 

It's a daily walk. Forgiveness is a continual work, but once it's accomplished you'll be amazed at the liberty you experience. After I moved back home, as an adult, I daily would face that man who stole my innocence as a child. I honestly can say that I had no hard feelings whatsoever toward him! The pain, resentment and even fear were lifted as I walked in forgiveness. I pray he has repented and made things right with the Lord, BUT even if he hasn't, I have chosen to move on. Being asked even just a few years back to testify against him (as he’d been caught offending again), I told the officer "No sir! I'm free from that, and most is even forgotten." I'm soooo thankful those feelings are gone. You see the unforgiveness I held toward not only him, but others, in my past kept me a very sick person.  There were some missed diagnosis, but once I began to let things go and not harbor feelings of the past, my health began to drastically improve!

I praise Him for the valleys He delivered me through! Find freedom in Him! Realize that to hold those feelings toward others is hurting no one but yourself. You are the one to suffer, not only emotionally but spiritually and physically! You must be willing to practice forgiveness! IT'S NOT AN OPTION!!! I will guarantee you THERE IS FREEDOM IN FORGIVENESS for I've experienced it! By far, my life has been a fight but just as much as it has, there has been someone else who has fought that much harder. 

I am reminded of what a wise person once told me, "If it takes me crawling into Heaven, then that's what I'll do!" Don't get me wrong God doesn't expect us to struggle BUT if what it takes is fighting until we get there, we MUST fight!!!!! After all, how can we expect God to forgive us of our sins when we aren't willing to lay down those of others and move on, also in return allowing that person the freedom to move past it! Hope this makes sense...LOL but the Lord has taught me so many things through this. Although I feel I have done my share of "forgiving" I realize there will be much more to do along the journey. It MUST remain a part of our daily walk if we want to walk in freedom and in the blessing of His forgiveness!!!! I will end with this, “You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”

Naomi & Ruth: Best of Times, Worst of Times {Written 5/10/10}

I've always loved the story of Ruth and Naomi, maybe it's because I have felt that same love and devotion for someone as Ruth did for Naomi.  Possibly the desire for an example, or mentor, to look up to and learn from, as she follows Christ, and to share together in both the good times and bad. My mind often goes to that time and wonders what it really would have been like to have had each other to lean on, and to have that total commitment coming from both sides. It's not very often you find that anymore, at least I've not been successful in doing so because there is always someone or something else more important and the "unconditional" love has not been returned. Life just gets too busy for some, it seems.  My heart is overwhelmed at times with the love that the Lord has given me for people, considering that no matter how much I commit myself and life to another to serve, encourage, love and uplift it's usually either misunderstood, not accepted or taken for granted.  People often do not value relationships as they once did.  Everything is “business”, or they are just in the relationship for what THEY can benefit from it! There are far too many “takers” than “givers”.  Nevertheless, I wish you would go with me for a few minutes to the story of Ruth and Naomi, two ladies who truly stood by each other through both the good and bad times. As you and I both know Naomi was the mother-in-law of Ruth and Orpah. They had a wonderful family until Naomi lost both her husband and her two sons, also leaving Ruth and Orpah widowed. Most young women these days would move on with their lives and leave the pain behind and want to move on to other things, not stick with their mother-in-law, but Ruth chose not to do so. Rather, she chose to stay by Naomi's side, and her reward was great! Don't get me wrong, they had hardships to endure, but making them easier to deal with was the fact that they had the commitment and companionship of each other…and the Lord! They were devoted, not only to God, but to one another. One of their stories can't be mentioned without bringing the other in. Their families feasted while others were in a state of famine. The Lord greatly blessed them and thennnn.....such great loss. First Naomi loses her husband, and then her two sons. I'm sure you have faced something similar in that you go through a season of bliss and blessings and then straight into tests, trials and heartaches...I know I have. Many times people have brought up the scripture in Romans 8:28....Nooowww weeee knoooooow that all things work together..... well you know how the scripture goes. During these times this is the hardest thing to see. We often wonder "How in the world could any good come out of this thing that I am facing?" "There's nothing good here!" We analyze our situation trying to see the positive around every corner yet it is nowhere to be found. Can I say something right now before I go on? I've been there, even recently, and still go through those times, BUT, I can look back and tell you there are many, many times when I felt like that that I KNOW the Lord had good to come out of it. There were not only many lessons learned and growing spurts that took place but there have also been people along the way that were going through the same thing and needed my help.  We all know that it is those who have been THROUGH those similar circumstances who can sincerely help and encourage. You can’t possibly understand a person, or their needs, if you haven’t been where they are.  For instance, my need for a “family”…complete!  If you have had both parents and surrounded with family, you wouldn’t understand my need.  Many people just take those kinds of things for granted…especially growing up!  If you haven’t had an alcoholic deadbeat father, then how can you know how we, who do, feel?  We can’t even fully understand what our Heavenly Father is suppose to be like because we’ve had no comparison or example of having a positive male influence in our lives.  Anywho, I said all that to say, unless you've been in someone's shoes you really don't know how to minister and encourage that person except to point them to Jesus and pray with them and just be a listening ear…and that’s EXACTLY what you should do!  Don’t criticize or misjudge because you don’t understand my pain!  There is still that need for compassion and companionship through those difficult times, and someone who understands the way we feel. Well let's get back to the story of Ruth and Naomi. When we are in a hard place in life, it's not the time to give up, break down or fall apart. We MUST trust in God, in many, many cases He is ALL we have. It's wonderful to have that person in your life as Naomi and Ruth had each other, but that's not always the case. Famine came and upon hearing that there was food in Bethlehem Naomi decided to make the journey back. Knowing the struggles they would face during their return she urged both Ruth and Orpah to return to their families where hopefully they would have a better life and future. Orpah chose to do so, but Ruth, oh how wise she was, Ruth chose to remain with Naomi. Where Naomi had once depended on her husband and sons, all she had now was Ruth. What was once a life of abundance had become one of tragic losses and both Naomi and Ruth made their journey back to Bethlehem broken before the Lord. Naomi even went as far as changing her name to “Mara", meaning bitter. She says in verse 21, "I went out full, and the Lord has brought me home again empty". How many times have we said that? He doesn't want us to be bitter. He desires for us to allow the pain to make us a better person. It is impossible to be bitter and thankful at the same time as Ephesians 5:20 says. It is through our thankful hearts that we will become a better person and a witness for Him. God was sovereign to them through this difficult time. Once they arrived in Bethlehem it was not a coincidence that Ruth ended up in the field of Boaz. Ruth may have been alone but in her search the Lord directed her to Boaz's field, who we all know later became her husband. I was looking at a quote today that I had written down. "God wisely orders small events; and those that seem altogether...{unconditional} serve his own glory and the good of his people. Many a great affair is brought about by a little turn, which seemed...{lucky or accidental} to us, but was directed by Providence with design." We must purpose to look for the hand of God in all our circumstances, believe that He works through our experiences, and trust that He will work ALL things together for our good. Times may get difficult but we must be committed to God's direction and plan for our lives just as Ruth said, "Wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people; and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried." Have you ever had this type of commitment to anyone (mother, best friend, husband, etc.) or anything? I can say that I have, and my heart longs for this type of commitment once again, that bond of knowing that no matter what may come, there's someone right there going through it with you. Ruth followed Naomi as Naomi also followed the Lord. Boaz made provision for Ruth and Naomi and also stated something that just comforts my heart "The Lord repay your work, and a full reward be given you by the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge." That just gives me chills. "Under whose wings" I am so thankful that we can hide under His wings for times of refuge and comfort. Are you resting under His wings? Do you run to Him in those difficult times? Or, do you begin to call yourself "bitter"? I've been on both sides. Let me tell you one thing is for certain that one way makes you one miserable person, and that's the way of bitterness! I have learned one thing and that is to learn from the older women, as Ruth did with Naomi. Learn from those who have paved the way and shown us what it's like to come THROUGH hardships. Allow their lives to serve as an example and teach us God's way for managing our own lives. Many of our young people today choose not to do this. They say “awww things are different now”, but the thing is, the principles and message are not! I have learned that you do need to be cautious WHO you look up to as an example, respect, and want to pattern after.  However, it is a good thing to have that someone, or more than one, that you can admire and, as I believe it was Paul said, "Follow me as I follow Christ". Only if there were more Naomi's willing to be those mentors and examples out there....and even more, if there were more Ruth's who were willing to follow at any "risk" or "cost". I am so thankful for those the Lord allows to come into my life and have the utmost respect and admiration for their guidance and direction. Take my advice though, be careful of who those people are! There aren't many Naomi's out there so treasure, respect and admonish one when you find her. Ruth was rewarded for doing so. Not only did she learn life lessons but she ended up back in the blessings of the Lord. When suffering comes, seek and plan to respond in a Godly, faith-filled way. Let your song rise above your sorrow and choose to hide under His wings. Ruth was a virtuous woman. She was devoted to her family (1:15-18), delighted in her work (2:2), was dedicated to Godly speech (2:10, 13), depended on God (2:12), dressed with care (3:3), was discreet with men (3:6-13), and delivered many blessings(4:14,15). Lord I thank You for those “Naomis” and I pray that You would continue to mold my heart as a "Ruth". I will leave you with the lyrics to this song:

Under His Wings 

"Under His wings I am safely abiding, 

Though the night deepens and tempests are wild; 

Still I can trust Him; I know He will keep me, 

He has redeemed me, and I am His child. 

Under His wings, what a refuge in sorrow! 

How the heart yearningly turns to His rest! 

Often when earth has no balm for my healing, 

There I find comfort, and there I am blessed. 

Under His wings, O what precious enjoyment! 

There will I hide till life's trials are o'er; 

Sheltered, protected, no evil can harm me, 

Resting in Jesus, I'm safe evermore. 

Under His wings, under His wings, 

Who from His love can sever? 

Under His wings my soul shall abide, 

Safely abide forever."

To Please the King ~ The Beauty and Boldness of Esther

Originally Written: May 24, 2010

Have you ever thought about the fact that no matter where you are or where you may be going that He is at work in your life and every thing that happens will help to shape your future? Do you think Esther realized in the beginning that the Lord was preparing her to save her people? Esther was brought into the land "For such a time as this". Even though as a child she faced losses and was raised by her cousin she had a purpose. She became a hero to her people. Esther didn't despair but she must have known that God had a plan for her life. Esther was a Jew who lost both parents while she was very young but she had a cousin who took her in and brought her up as his daughter. Some of us, like Esther have had "missing" parents in our lives but can you think back to those people who have come into your life, or are even now there, who have helped to shape your life? Mordecai taught Esther many things but she also had another teacher, Hegai, who was a heathen eunich in King Ahasuerus' palace who was able to teach her everything she needed to know about pleasing the king. It's good to have a variety of "teachers" who can guide and instruct us in ways to help us grow and make us useful in God's kingdom. Esther had many advantages as she was a beautiful woman who was gifted with Mordecai's wisdom and Hegai's preferential treatment. What are the advantages God has placed in your life or path which have given you the opportunity and have been a sovereign act of God to make you useful in His kingdom? All that Esther possessed just led up to the homage as she was presented as King Ahasuerus' queen (Esther 2:17). You are the daughter of the King and a member of a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9), just think about what one day will come. Many times I'm guilty of complaining when I don't think things are going as they should in my life. As many sorrows and trials have come my way I am reminded that God works all things together for good to those that love Him, but I often wonder how it can work out for good. Hindsight is definetly a wake-up call as you see how God works through things in our lives to help us to grow and to be "useful" in His kingdom. I am in that "in-between" place right now where I ask so many times "God what is my purpose? What am I here for?" Sometimes when we're actually going through things it's hard to understand the purpose and to remember that there will be a "such a time as this". There have been those who like Esther have come into my life and have taught me many things and given wisdom in different areas and situations and those "teachers" have helped to shape my life, and I must say, continue to do so! We never get too old to learn and must be willing to remember that there is a purpose and plan for our lives. It may not be easy as we travel through the journey and often times we need to be reminded, but there is a purpose and there is a destination. Unlike Esther, we may not be presented as a "Queen" but God does have a plan designated just for us. Many, many times I need that reminder as I slip beneath the load of life and get lost in the decisions and confusion of which direction to go next. But I am so thankful that He always shows the way or sends someone along to "teach" us and remind us where we are, why we're here and where we are headed. Maybe at times we needed someone to just steer us a little in a different direction and He always steps in to do that. Regardless of whether we realize it or not, He is always at work in every detail of our lives! We must never fail to thank Him for His active, transforming, loving presence in our lives. Esther was a woman of courage. When it was brought to her attention she determined that "If I perish, I perish!" (Esther 4:16) She would be the one to save her people! This plot was brought to her attention and although she had not been summoned by her king she had determined that she would go before him and plead for the lives of her people, knowing that as she had not been summoned she was risking that of her own life. Her courage and being rooted in her faith empowered her to boldly say, "If I perish, I perish!". As a result, not only Esther but also the life of her people was spared! Do you posess that same faith and courage that if need be you can step out and say "If I perish, I perish!" regardless of the risks involved? She had learned that Haman had received permission "to destroy, to kill, and to annihilate all the Jews". (Esther 3:13) She also knew that her husband, the king, was the only one who could spare them and that it was up to her to persuade him to do so! There were many examples to follow in the way Esther went about this whole thing. 1. She stopped and didn't rush into the whole thing right off. 2. She waited, which gave her time to gather the facts. (Esther 4:5) 3. She consulted with her wise cousin Mordecai. (Esther 4:12-14) 4. She prayed! That waiting time gave her time to fast and pray about how she would approach the king. (Esther 4:16) 5. She made a decision. Time, counsel and prayer moved Esther to choose the right course of action and to have the boldness to say, "If I perish, I perish!". (Esther 4:16) 6. She acted and prepared a dinner for the king and Haman in order to assess his frame of mind. (Esther 5:4-5) 7. She adjusted. Being wise and discerning of the time Esther waited and prepared yet another dinner and it was during this dinner her request was granted and her king acted to save the Jews. (Esther 5:8) Esther used such wisdom in approaching the king. She could have fussed and fumed and panicked. She could have been angry, violent and irrational but she knew that being out of control would not change the situation and that she must have a course of action before approaching her king if there was to be an answer for her people. Do you possess those qualities that Esther possessed? Or do you act quickly out of your emotions? For myself I can say I've gone both ways. As I've faced many issues throughout life there have been times when I've took the wrong course of actions, but on the other hand, there have been times also that the Lord has given me the wisdom and courage to deal with things in the right way. There is beauty in God's plan. Where has God planted you? You may not be in ideal circumstances or in a place where you would have chosen but wherever you are remember that it's all a part of the bigger picture and purpose and that God does have a plan for your life. Esther learned the beauty of God's plan and her usefulness to Him and His people and much of what she learned come through sorrow and pain. She hadn't had an easy life on the path to get there. She was born of captives, a stranger in a strange land. She lost both her mother and father. She was taken to the king against her will. Last, but definitely not least, she was the Queen to an alcoholic and impulsive king. Although these were unlikely circumstances to be a "hero", that's exactly what she was to her people. All of that led up to positioning her to be able to save her people. She had truly "come to the kingdom for such a time as this" (Esther 4:14) You can also be used by the Lord by simply being faithful to Him wherever you are TODAY, to the people in your path and also in your circumstances TODAY! What He is teaching and using us for today is all just a part of the bigger plan He has for us for tomorrow. The hero does not set out to be one. They are actually more surprised than others as they were just there when the crisis occurred and acted as they believed was necessary in the situation just doing what had to be done! Can you imagine the joy, jubilation, relief and the sweet taste of victory that she felt in knowing that life was not over for the Jews? Do you make every effort to remember the goodness of the Lord to you and to celebrate His work in your life? Commemorate those moments in your life that may be "WOW" moments when He does something great or moves in and through you. "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits...who redeems your life from destruction" (Psalm 103:2,4) Even though sometimes life may be so difficult we need to make every effort to remember His goodness and love in our lives! Esther accepted her circumstances (losing her parents) without being bitter and resentful, but with grace. She was a woman of character...faithful, courageous, wise and resolute. She also exhibited a gracious, cautious, patient, and discreet spirit. These were all exhibits of beauty and comes from a heart that has a deep trust in God and reverence for the Lord (Prov 31:30). It also comes from looking to God when times get difficult and we don't know where to turn (Psalm 55:22). It comes from believing that God will enable us when our faith is challenged (Phil 4:13). It also comes from knowing that God's grace is sufficient for us no matter what life demands (2 Cor. 12:9-10). The beauty of Esther comes from the Lord and is available to all of us! Reach for it and see what comes! I'm learning this myself in so many aspects. This is another study I have done along with that of Ruth and Naomi and although Ruth's story is my favorite, Esther is right up there and my desire is to be more like her. I wish to have the beauty of Esther and not only that, but to have the effectiveness that her life possessed! I am so thankful for those the Lord has placed in my life to help instill that wisdom and Godly counsel, just as He did for Esther! There are always those out there who can give us a glimpse of what we need to change or an example as to how to walk in certain circumstances and I am forever grateful to those He has placed in my path :) There have been many who have been such a help and encouragement in my life. I've gone through those times of not having anyone but it was because I pushed them away and I'm so thankful that He knows what/who/how we need and when we need it. I want to thank each one of them because even though life has been very difficult at times I am very thankful they've directed me to Him and provided wisdom and teaching and most of all prayer when needed, and one day I hope to have the boldness and have that purpose fulfilled in my life but once again, it's preparation and "waiting" time! Thank You Lord and thank you to each of my precious friends :)

Wow!! Two Years?!

Having been thinking on starting up blogging again, I had to find this account, and to my surprise it had been TWO YEARS!! Wow! Well, much has happened over that time including my marriage this past Valentine's Day, so I won't try to catch up! LOL I have to say that I really feel as if I've been a student in continuing education as I have learned and experienced SO much over these couple years. It's when we go through some horrible times that He can take what's broken and reshape and remold it into what He wants. The key there is what HE wants! Many times we want life to go the way we think it should go, but we really don't know what's BEST, He does. :) He's directed me in several new paths these last two years, placed new people in my life and given me opportunities I couldn't have created on my own...on my path! I'm thankful! I feel like I'm in a new class now, although still under construction and not sure where it will lead. It's HIS path, so I suppose I'm just along for the ride. So, I hope you'll join me from time to time as I share little tidbits of what He's teaching me...and some experiences along the way! Let's not make it so long next time, ok?! ;)

The Web of The Spider

Since a recent phone conversation with a friend, seems one thing has bared strongly in my heart and mind. Isn't it amazing how sometimes when a story's told, things just stand out and can't seem to be forgotten? In my case, I really believe the Lord is speaking to me during those times, especially considering half the time I can't remember things that are said a few minutes later. Oh yeah, I get the message, but it just doesn't seem to stick UNLESS God's really trying to tell me something through it. Anyway, I felt the Spirit of the Lord so strongly during this conversation and chills ran all through me as was HEARING how the enemy would like to catch us up in something so slyly that could destroy our very being. So this is the story my friend shared. After being on the road and arriving in late one night they pulled into the driveway and right before them was a huge spider web. The thing is, at first it wasn't in view, until the light hit it. They discussed whether to knock it down or to leave it alone and she proceeds to say with a web that big, there's a spider in there somewhere, will you get bitten? I know this may seem simple to some of you, but this stands out to me in more ways than I can even count. First of all, as big as it was, that web wasn't visible UNTIL the light hit it! Secondly, there had to be a choice as to whether it was to be left alone, or torn down. Also, you know there was a spider, but where would he be? Think about it just a minute. If that doesn't speak to you, I'm not sure what will. There are some spiritual warnings here too. I'm reminded of times in my life that I was prepared to walk into something and the Lord stopped me and shined the light, you might say, on the situation I would be walking into. That situation could have meant destruction for me, but He mercifully gave me warning. I am also reminded of some times that I seen the web, yet chose to walk on into it thinking I would be strong enough to kill that spider and change the environment. Ever been there? I've said but oh, Lord, I've been where they are and look what I change I could bring to their thoughts and life. It's not long that you're pulled right into it before you even realize what has taken a hold of your heart. I am reminded of Isaiah 59 and how it speaks of the weaving of those spider webs and what harm can come to those who partake in them. Dangerous things to mess with! I've been bitten by a spider, although not poisonous, you can't help but wonder how it will affect you and if you need treatment or not. At one point or another in our lives, we face those "webs" and have to make a decision, is this something that I'm to face, or do I choose to take the road of safety and walk away? He will prepare us for those things which we are to face, but I also believe that many times He shines that light and warns us to stay away from the danger. He does leave the choice to us though. If there's anything that I have learned, it is that He gives us our own free will to choose, and sometimes I've been guilty of making the wrong one and walking right into a web that nearly destroyed me, had I not called out to Him for mercy and deliverance. Aren't you thankful that He is a God of deliverance EVEN WHEN we choose to go our own way despite the warnings? The sad thing is, most often, wounds will come as a result of our disobedience or failing to heed. I know as my friend shared the story, she was concerned for her husband's safety if he got out there and seeing there was possible harm that could come to him. I believe that there are times that we MUST face the enemy, regardless of the danger, but one thing is for certain, you BETTER be prepared! Sometimes we have to face it head on not only for our sakes, but to help protect those we love from potential danger. Often times people choose to walk away or back down out of fear or feeling like things are so much greater than what they're capable of handling, but one thing is for certain, if HE has sent you, you'll be prepared to handle any situation WITH HIM. Yeah, I've had wounds from choosing to bypass the warnings, but I'm thankful now to say that my scars are a testimony of what He's brought me through, despite at times, my disobedience and failure to hear Him. There are some of those webs we just need to stay away from. It's not a matter of fearing the enemy, it's a matter of being wise to his devises. The Lord speaks to Simon in Luke 22:31 "...Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:". The truth is, he would love to have us all!!! What is there dangling in front of you that you just can't seem to walk away from and you've been tempted to walk right into the trap? Oh, it may not even look like a danger, but you've seen a little light shined on the web involved. Are you prepared to be bitten? Will you choose to walk away and say no more, satan, will I fall for your schemes. There's nothing pretty about a spider web, and I have to say also that there's nothing pretty in his plans either. He'd love to get his teeth into God's children. I've been there, and I honestly say, there are some webs that have come to light in my life that surround me. Nothing pretty about them, although I want to get rid of them, so it's a temptation to step over into it and say I can get rid of it once and for all. The question is, am I prepared to face the dangers involved? Is HE ready for me to? Are there those things in your life too? Let's use wisdom and make sure that we keep our eyes open and stay aware at all times that there is something out there. Not that we're to be afraid, but just as the web wasn't in view until the light hit it, it was THERE all the time. We need to be aware, it's there. Stay in tune to His voice and heed those little warnings and glimpses of light. There's so much more running through my mind on this and I feel it so strongly, but just can't express it. Beware of the webs the enemy has out there to catch you in people. He'll do whatever it takes. The thing is, if we'll keep reaching out for more of Him and looking through His light, we'll see them. It's no fun to have to deal with the healing process and even though their scars now, it would have been nice to not even have had the wounds. HE is able to keep us safe, if we'll just watch, and listen.

Life's Blessings

These past several months I've not "blogged" (don't like that word) for, at times, a lack of knowing just what to say. Looking back, so many changes have taken place in my life this past year, including a big move, to Nashville. Seems it's been a roller coaster of sorts, yet again, at this time of life, but I'm soooo thankful to know that He has just what we need and sends His blessings along the way to meet our every need, and in alot of cases, even our smallest desires. It's ok that everyone doesn't understand us, our lives and even our needs, but He does, and not only that He has the answers and remedies for it all. This past weekend I got to spend some memorable days with two of the blessings He's placed in my life. You might say I was just a little spoiled this weekend. ;) They've been such precious friends for a few years now, but our hearts have grown so much closer this past year and I'm so blessed and thankful for the love and connection that has seemed to just come so naturally. This day didn't start out the best, but at the moment my heart is just a little overwhelmed with this warm fuzzy feeling as if it were just a much needed BIG hug today. :) Seems that all through life He has always given just what was needed, and just exactly when I thought I'd fall apart, or just couldn't make it any further, just one more way He chooses to show His love toward us and the fact that He has it ALL, everything we need. I long for more of Him and all that He is. Although my mind can't possibly fathom His love and mercies, I know that there is not one person or thing on this earth that can possible match Him and although I've struggled in my faith and trust in Him, I know what He's capable of, after all, I've experienced it time and again. He's proven Himself faithful over and over and proven that His love is one without conditions. I'm still working on the "trusting" part, but I'm forever grateful to be able to feel His presence on days like this, aren't you? It's just proof that He's ever present. Being a person who likes to be in control of every aspect of my life and to know and have planned out my every step (fearing all the unknowns), I've struggled with giving allll control over to Him trusting that He knows just what I need and will provide it in His way and time. In conversation this weekend with "Mama" Carol, I became even more aware of the reality of His unconditional love. Isn't it amazing how He chooses to open our eyes to new things at specific times? On the trip back home, not wanting to leave, and reflecting on not only their love this weekend, but the new revelation of the depth of His love an overwhelming sense of His presence came into that car and I spent quite some time talking with Him and allowing Him that quiet time to speak with me. So sweet is His presence if we just allow Him the time to express Himself. So, although it really hasn't been that great of a day, I'm thankful for reminders of His love and the blessings He sends into our lives, and that that in itself can just turn around the whole direction of the day ahead. I've found, once again, that He will send those blessings (people/things/etc.) into our lives just when we least expect them and maybe even in the way we least expect, but I'm sooo thankful that His way and timing is best. I'm sure I'll have many more lessons to learn in this and of course there'll still be those times of fearing the unknowns, but for now, I'm gratefully blessed and amazed at how once again, He has loved me. He loves you too!!! What's that desire or need in your life? Does it seem like an impossible task? Well guess what? Mine did too, but He is more than able, even if you feel you may not have the faith that's needed to see it happen, if you'll just wait on Him, you'll be amazed. :) Leaving you, for now, thankful for His unconditional love and the blessing of the unconditional love He sends our way through those down here.

Exploring New Roads With Lessons Along The Way

A couple of weeks ago after having dinner with a friend and both leaving the restaurant at the same time I made a mistake. Being that she lives really close to me, and that I’m still not familiar with where all the roads in the area end up, I began to follow her. I knew she was going home and that SURELY she knew the best way to get there. Following not far behind, (I’m sure she probably didn’t even know I was following her :) ) I tried to take in the new scenery I’d yet to explore and was really enjoying the drive until alas I came upon a place that looked familiar. Yes, that was the best way home for her, but being that where we ate was on the other side of where I lived, it wasn’t for me. Where I lived was between the two, but closer to the restaurant, and where we came out was right close to her street. Of course I knew how to get home from there, BUT, I’d taken the long way around. Granted I wasn’t in a hurry, nor did I mind the 3 minutes or so of extra driving, but every time I pass that road now I’m reminded of that day and really kind of got some perspective in another sense. I firmly believe that there are those out there that we can and need to follow their examples. Any of you that know me know that when I respect someone to that degree, I do it whole heartedly. :) There’s no listening to them and “acting” as if I’m interested in their views, opinions or advice and then going off and saying/doing something different. I believe God places these people in our paths for a reason. Those of you who know me will also know that I’m not THAT open to just anyone either! As for me, I’m a person who likes some accountability, and to know that there’s someone who cares enough to want to see the best in and for me and is willing to help see that accomplished (and at times to help me end a seemingly endless cycle)…not just what THEY want to see or think they could benefit from. I guess sometimes I’m driven by that. :) Anyway, as I look back to that day, I’m reminded that the person I was behind is someone that I admire, respect and look up to and have learned so many things from and I guess you might say that inadvertently she taught me another lesson that day. Just because the road looks good and maybe they’re headed in fairly the same direction, with possibly even the same goal in mind, doesn’t mean you’re to take that exact road. That doesn’t mean that your destination does not have as much purpose or meaning, but it isn’t always the same. I still arrived where I was going, but it took just a little longer to get there. How many times have we veered in the wrong direction just a bit and got off track? In the end we arrived at the right place but hind sight has shown us that if we just would have made this one turn differently we would have gotten there so much faster. Being unfamiliar with the new surroundings, I enjoyed the view along the way, but also there was that element of not knowing where I’d end up, and almost a feeling of being lost. Having the confidence in her enough to know she knew where she was going I just trusted, knowing she’d lead me home. There was no fear for me. Well, she did lead me to a familiar spot anyway where I’d get on that right road. We do that often times spiritually don’t we? We take a road that looks somewhat familiar, or that we know others have taken and assume it’s the right one for us. Why surely if those we trust and have confidence in have been successful at it, why shouldn’t we? Maybe it’s not that it’s a WRONG road, but just that it’s not the right one for us. It’ll get us to where we’re going, but not as quickly as we, or He, would like. I wonder if there’s something along the way we’d miss by just following someone because we KNOW they know the territory and where it will all end? I’m even reminded of the song “I’ll Take The Road I Know”…the thing about that is, there may be a time when He’s wanting us to choose a different road. Maybe the road we’ve been taking, although not necessarily a “bad” road, just isn’t getting us anywhere. Just recently I made a major life change in moving to Nashville…an unfamiliar place…new territory…new challenges and risks, and although I had many questions as to whether I was making the right choice, I knew in my heart it was the right road. There was a little more fear involved, as everything was new and unknown to me, but there was also comfort in knowing that it was His plan and next step for me. Aren’t there “risks” in a lot of things He asks of us? The thing is, He wants to know if we trust Him enough to be obedient…to follow HIS plan, even if we’re not quite sure yet what that is. I can’t tell you that I know where the next road will start and end, but I’m so thankful that I followed His leading and not the discouragement and doubt of some I was in contact with. I’ve not always made the right choices, or followed the right paths, but I’m thankful for the Godly examples He puts in our lives to steer us back in the right direction and to help us maybe understand, or should I say, bring to light, the fact that the road we’re on isn’t taking us anywhere. It may not be a bad road, but maybe we’re taking the long way around. Maybe there’s a U-turn in order in our lives? It may just be a little quicker and meaningful just to take that U-turn and go back and be reminded where we started at, what got us where we are, and what we need to do from there to change our course. I’m thankful for that little trip a few weeks ago, for more reasons than one. Not only did I get to see a new place, but my eyes were also opened to some new things, and although maybe not beneficial to you, it’s been, yet another, lesson for me. :)