Experiencing Freedom Through Forgiveness

Experiencing freedom through forgiveness…

That statement is a mouth full in itself. Many people do not realize how much freedom you really can have when you TRULY forgive. Would you consider that different people may allow different "levels" of forgiveness? I've heard many people say, "Well I'll forgive them, but I'll NEVER forget what they've done to me!" No, there are some things that you never forget, but what attitude do you approach that “thing” with? Have you REALLY forgiven or are you just trying to convince yourself and others in order to "satisfy", or in an attempt to find peace in the situation? It will show in your actions and attitude toward those who have wronged you! Words aren't enough, but forgiveness must be expressed in one's actions toward the offender!  Webster defines the word “forgive” as: “to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong); to stop blaming (someone); to stop feeling anger about (something); to forgive someone for (something wrong); to stop requiring payment of (money that is owed)”.  That being said, do you REALLY forgive?

Forgiveness is something I have had to practice throughout the majority of my life, and I don't know many who haven't! Otherwise, a life of bitterness, which ultimately causes all other sorts of discomforts, will be their fate. I know people who have suffered so much bitterness and hate which has resulted in sickness and illness most all their life.  Science has even proven this to be true.  Each person faces their own situations. What may seem small to others, may be something big to us. So, to say that one has practiced it more, or better, would be wrong. We all have to deal with forgiveness on a DAILY basis, and in our own way!

It seems that now that I'm older and talk with those who were a part of my life as I was growing up, they are surprised to hear the attitude I have towards my past and those people who have really hurt me in one way or another, whether it be through physical, sexual or mental abuse, and even through rejection after rejection beginning at a young age. That's not to say that I don't still deal with certain aspects, such as rejection, and long for acceptance, but the way I look at those people in my past is in a different attitude as many around me. My perspective is a bit different. I’ve never been a person of anger. My reaction to hurts, rejection, abuse, misuse has always been that of tears and resulted in affecting my self-esteem. You see it was never the other person that had done something wrong but in my eyes it was that I was never "good enough" or wasn’t able to be all that I needed to be to win the love, approval and acceptance that I so longed for, and needed. This was something that began early in my childhood. As I look back, many times it's not even someone else that I needed to forgive, but myself. 

As I sit here writing, something I wrote down a while back comes to mind, "My life is that of an open book, for the most part. It's pages are wrinkled and torn, but they've been shared with many, and for this reason may it be possible I was born. To touch the life of someone else and show them the Lord's keeping power. He has been so faithful throughout every page of my life, none left out, not even one hour!" He has been ever so faithful to me regardless of any circumstance. He WILL deliver you through every circumstance in your life but first you must be willing to give it to Him and not hang on to the pain and feelings associated with it. Even scripture speaks of forgiveness. 

Matthew 6:14-15, "For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” It clearly states, we MUST forgive to be forgiven.  It doesn’t say forgive small things only, we must forgive ALL. I don’t know about you, but I want to walk in forgiveness.

We may have valleys, but while there in the valley He has so many things to teach us. The valleys are nothing, though, in comparison to the beauty that lies ahead on top of the mountain. Our growing times come while in the valley and that prepares us for the climb up the mountain. You see there may be others who need help along the journey who don't have that freedom that we have experienced. It is so vital that we allow the Lord to liberate us by letting go of all that we hold inside our hearts in those secret, hidden places. There have been so many times when I think of that poem "Footprints In the Sand" because I know that He MUST have been carrying me. We may not be able to trust anyone down here, but no matter what may come our way we can trust in Him as He truly is a Trustworthy God! 

In a recent conversation with a friend, I was asked if I indeed would not rejoice at the calamity or demise of a person who hurt me very badly as a teenager which resulted in changing my whole life. At one time I held so much bitterness and fear in my heart toward this person that I can't tell you I wouldn't have wished for his death. After all, as a teenager in a very vulnerable position, he took advantage of me and robbed me of my innocence. After several years of counseling and "ungodly" advise the Lord began to deal with my heart. I believe it was around the age of 18 (about 4 years later), the Lord began to deal with me. 

You see, there was NOTHING in my life more important than serving the Lord and pleasing Him. So many times I would ask the Lord to please show me that He loved me, even when I felt so unloveable. So many times I felt so alone and wanted to feel loved. When I would cry out to Him He never failed to show me that He was there and I needed not fear being alone. He always showed me how much He loved me regardless of what I felt from others! Oh yes, there were things I longed for down here like a family to “fit” in, a "mother-daughter" relationship, a dad, a "best friend" and someone I could confide in and know would always be there no matter what, BUT, as badly as I wanted all of those there was nothing more important than pleasing Him. I knew ultimately that would be what determined the outcome of my future. When it’s all said and done, are we living pleasing to Him…not just in word, but in deeds?

The Lord really dealt with me in the area of forgiveness. So many scriptures came to mind mainly the one that states that we are not only to forgive 7 times, but 70X7! WOW! As I began to think on these scriptures I wondered about how that I could expect the Lord to forgive me when I harbored so much pain and unforgiveness myself. He forgives us so freely, and how is it that it is so difficult for us to forgive others? We don’t work for it. We don’t have to beg for it. 

He gave His LIFE for us, but we won't even just let things go and move on, setting the other person free to ask and accept forgiveness and move on themselves to a path of healing and freedom in Him. How can we even think that we deserve something more than we are willing to give others? I know myself that through experiences in life I have learned that when I do actually love or care about someone there is nothing I would not be willing to do for them! I would put myself in front of them if someone were standing there ready to end their life. That's what true love and commitment means, when you are willing to lay down your life for those who mean the most. I know there are not many out there willing to give this type of love and commitment anymore. It's hard to even find a friend who'll stick by you through the good AND the bad, let alone willing to lay down their life. As much as I was willing to do that, the Lord began to deal with me in that I wasn't willing to let things, or people who had wronged me in the past go, and allow them to also "forget" what had taken place and move on. 

If we would only come to the realization that the feelings we are harboring toward others are destroying us and our freedom to grow into what He would have us be. How can we minister to the hurting when we won't even let go of our own pain, or we choose to live life “repaying” those who have wronged us? It is a conscious choice! We must decide that no matter how bad that person may have done us we cannot let our attitude and actions about it shape the rest of our lives. As a child I was molested at the age of 5, physically and mentally abused by people around me growing up, suffered constant feelings of rejection from the age of 2 when my father was estranged due to his alcoholic and abusive behaviors, my husband left after 8 years and divorcing after almost 10 years of marriage (after being involved in pornography while working in the ministry), have been rejected time and time again by those I loved and would have done anything I could possibly do to please and "earn" their love. I always took a "back seat" to everyone and everything around therefore affecting my self esteem. I can't say that I don't struggle at times with feelings of rejection, but seriously, who doesn’t? I began to realize that maybe there’s a reason God is keeping you at a distance from people and things. His way of protecting us is often far beyond our understanding.  He has been so faithful when "people" "all people" have let us down. Yes! I could very easily choose to walk in unforgiveness.  I could carry the pain all my life, but what would it benefit? Do you think those people are suffering for what they did? Well, some may live with the guilt, but most often, NO! When all is said and done, they will give account to Him ultimately. He is right there willing to forgive them as much as He is me.  You have to choose to walk in it though.  It’s a choice! No, I’ll never forget those things I faced through the years, but is it painful, not really. When we forgive others we’re allowing Him to do a healing work in us and bring a freedom that everyone just doesn’t experience. We no longer walk as the victim, and someone who is ashamed of our past, but we can go share what God has done for us and WILL do for them as well, if they will just FORGIVE!

There are still a few struggles along the way with my feelings of worthiness, but I’ve also come to realize that none of us are “worthy” for anything.  Our worth and value comes through and from Him.  No one down here can determine that but Him…and we have to choose to walk under His covering in that and not allow others to treat us any less. Don’t keep company with those who try to determine your value themselves, and try to discourage you. Walk in confidence in Him. Stick with those who know your worth and value and can see you as someone growing and walking in His love and forgiveness. It is with His confidence that we can share and watch others be set free as well.

He'll be everything you need when you need it.

I am reminded of the song that Ann Downing has written, "Earth Has NO Sorrow That Heaven Can't Heal". There is no other way to say it. There is nothing that we face down here that He (and He alone) can't heal, but we must be willing to allow Him into those secret places of our hearts to perform that healing. 

I have found that freedom that comes through forgiveness. It hasn't been an easy road, but much growth has come through it. I can't tell you that I don't deal with it daily. People don't realize how much their attitude and acceptance toward someone can affect that person, and being tenderhearted as I am, I have dealt with many feelings of hurt and rejection, but He has been faithful to free me from those feelings, BUT, only as I have allowed Him. 

It's a daily walk. Forgiveness is a continual work, but once it's accomplished you'll be amazed at the liberty you experience. After I moved back home, as an adult, I daily would face that man who stole my innocence as a child. I honestly can say that I had no hard feelings whatsoever toward him! The pain, resentment and even fear were lifted as I walked in forgiveness. I pray he has repented and made things right with the Lord, BUT even if he hasn't, I have chosen to move on. Being asked even just a few years back to testify against him (as he’d been caught offending again), I told the officer "No sir! I'm free from that, and most is even forgotten." I'm soooo thankful those feelings are gone. You see the unforgiveness I held toward not only him, but others, in my past kept me a very sick person.  There were some missed diagnosis, but once I began to let things go and not harbor feelings of the past, my health began to drastically improve!

I praise Him for the valleys He delivered me through! Find freedom in Him! Realize that to hold those feelings toward others is hurting no one but yourself. You are the one to suffer, not only emotionally but spiritually and physically! You must be willing to practice forgiveness! IT'S NOT AN OPTION!!! I will guarantee you THERE IS FREEDOM IN FORGIVENESS for I've experienced it! By far, my life has been a fight but just as much as it has, there has been someone else who has fought that much harder. 

I am reminded of what a wise person once told me, "If it takes me crawling into Heaven, then that's what I'll do!" Don't get me wrong God doesn't expect us to struggle BUT if what it takes is fighting until we get there, we MUST fight!!!!! After all, how can we expect God to forgive us of our sins when we aren't willing to lay down those of others and move on, also in return allowing that person the freedom to move past it! Hope this makes sense...LOL but the Lord has taught me so many things through this. Although I feel I have done my share of "forgiving" I realize there will be much more to do along the journey. It MUST remain a part of our daily walk if we want to walk in freedom and in the blessing of His forgiveness!!!! I will end with this, “You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”

Naomi & Ruth: Best of Times, Worst of Times {Written 5/10/10}

I've always loved the story of Ruth and Naomi, maybe it's because I have felt that same love and devotion for someone as Ruth did for Naomi.  Possibly the desire for an example, or mentor, to look up to and learn from, as she follows Christ, and to share together in both the good times and bad. My mind often goes to that time and wonders what it really would have been like to have had each other to lean on, and to have that total commitment coming from both sides. It's not very often you find that anymore, at least I've not been successful in doing so because there is always someone or something else more important and the "unconditional" love has not been returned. Life just gets too busy for some, it seems.  My heart is overwhelmed at times with the love that the Lord has given me for people, considering that no matter how much I commit myself and life to another to serve, encourage, love and uplift it's usually either misunderstood, not accepted or taken for granted.  People often do not value relationships as they once did.  Everything is “business”, or they are just in the relationship for what THEY can benefit from it! There are far too many “takers” than “givers”.  Nevertheless, I wish you would go with me for a few minutes to the story of Ruth and Naomi, two ladies who truly stood by each other through both the good and bad times. As you and I both know Naomi was the mother-in-law of Ruth and Orpah. They had a wonderful family until Naomi lost both her husband and her two sons, also leaving Ruth and Orpah widowed. Most young women these days would move on with their lives and leave the pain behind and want to move on to other things, not stick with their mother-in-law, but Ruth chose not to do so. Rather, she chose to stay by Naomi's side, and her reward was great! Don't get me wrong, they had hardships to endure, but making them easier to deal with was the fact that they had the commitment and companionship of each other…and the Lord! They were devoted, not only to God, but to one another. One of their stories can't be mentioned without bringing the other in. Their families feasted while others were in a state of famine. The Lord greatly blessed them and thennnn.....such great loss. First Naomi loses her husband, and then her two sons. I'm sure you have faced something similar in that you go through a season of bliss and blessings and then straight into tests, trials and heartaches...I know I have. Many times people have brought up the scripture in Romans 8:28....Nooowww weeee knoooooow that all things work together..... well you know how the scripture goes. During these times this is the hardest thing to see. We often wonder "How in the world could any good come out of this thing that I am facing?" "There's nothing good here!" We analyze our situation trying to see the positive around every corner yet it is nowhere to be found. Can I say something right now before I go on? I've been there, even recently, and still go through those times, BUT, I can look back and tell you there are many, many times when I felt like that that I KNOW the Lord had good to come out of it. There were not only many lessons learned and growing spurts that took place but there have also been people along the way that were going through the same thing and needed my help.  We all know that it is those who have been THROUGH those similar circumstances who can sincerely help and encourage. You can’t possibly understand a person, or their needs, if you haven’t been where they are.  For instance, my need for a “family”…complete!  If you have had both parents and surrounded with family, you wouldn’t understand my need.  Many people just take those kinds of things for granted…especially growing up!  If you haven’t had an alcoholic deadbeat father, then how can you know how we, who do, feel?  We can’t even fully understand what our Heavenly Father is suppose to be like because we’ve had no comparison or example of having a positive male influence in our lives.  Anywho, I said all that to say, unless you've been in someone's shoes you really don't know how to minister and encourage that person except to point them to Jesus and pray with them and just be a listening ear…and that’s EXACTLY what you should do!  Don’t criticize or misjudge because you don’t understand my pain!  There is still that need for compassion and companionship through those difficult times, and someone who understands the way we feel. Well let's get back to the story of Ruth and Naomi. When we are in a hard place in life, it's not the time to give up, break down or fall apart. We MUST trust in God, in many, many cases He is ALL we have. It's wonderful to have that person in your life as Naomi and Ruth had each other, but that's not always the case. Famine came and upon hearing that there was food in Bethlehem Naomi decided to make the journey back. Knowing the struggles they would face during their return she urged both Ruth and Orpah to return to their families where hopefully they would have a better life and future. Orpah chose to do so, but Ruth, oh how wise she was, Ruth chose to remain with Naomi. Where Naomi had once depended on her husband and sons, all she had now was Ruth. What was once a life of abundance had become one of tragic losses and both Naomi and Ruth made their journey back to Bethlehem broken before the Lord. Naomi even went as far as changing her name to “Mara", meaning bitter. She says in verse 21, "I went out full, and the Lord has brought me home again empty". How many times have we said that? He doesn't want us to be bitter. He desires for us to allow the pain to make us a better person. It is impossible to be bitter and thankful at the same time as Ephesians 5:20 says. It is through our thankful hearts that we will become a better person and a witness for Him. God was sovereign to them through this difficult time. Once they arrived in Bethlehem it was not a coincidence that Ruth ended up in the field of Boaz. Ruth may have been alone but in her search the Lord directed her to Boaz's field, who we all know later became her husband. I was looking at a quote today that I had written down. "God wisely orders small events; and those that seem altogether...{unconditional} serve his own glory and the good of his people. Many a great affair is brought about by a little turn, which seemed...{lucky or accidental} to us, but was directed by Providence with design." We must purpose to look for the hand of God in all our circumstances, believe that He works through our experiences, and trust that He will work ALL things together for our good. Times may get difficult but we must be committed to God's direction and plan for our lives just as Ruth said, "Wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people; and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried." Have you ever had this type of commitment to anyone (mother, best friend, husband, etc.) or anything? I can say that I have, and my heart longs for this type of commitment once again, that bond of knowing that no matter what may come, there's someone right there going through it with you. Ruth followed Naomi as Naomi also followed the Lord. Boaz made provision for Ruth and Naomi and also stated something that just comforts my heart "The Lord repay your work, and a full reward be given you by the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge." That just gives me chills. "Under whose wings" I am so thankful that we can hide under His wings for times of refuge and comfort. Are you resting under His wings? Do you run to Him in those difficult times? Or, do you begin to call yourself "bitter"? I've been on both sides. Let me tell you one thing is for certain that one way makes you one miserable person, and that's the way of bitterness! I have learned one thing and that is to learn from the older women, as Ruth did with Naomi. Learn from those who have paved the way and shown us what it's like to come THROUGH hardships. Allow their lives to serve as an example and teach us God's way for managing our own lives. Many of our young people today choose not to do this. They say “awww things are different now”, but the thing is, the principles and message are not! I have learned that you do need to be cautious WHO you look up to as an example, respect, and want to pattern after.  However, it is a good thing to have that someone, or more than one, that you can admire and, as I believe it was Paul said, "Follow me as I follow Christ". Only if there were more Naomi's willing to be those mentors and examples out there....and even more, if there were more Ruth's who were willing to follow at any "risk" or "cost". I am so thankful for those the Lord allows to come into my life and have the utmost respect and admiration for their guidance and direction. Take my advice though, be careful of who those people are! There aren't many Naomi's out there so treasure, respect and admonish one when you find her. Ruth was rewarded for doing so. Not only did she learn life lessons but she ended up back in the blessings of the Lord. When suffering comes, seek and plan to respond in a Godly, faith-filled way. Let your song rise above your sorrow and choose to hide under His wings. Ruth was a virtuous woman. She was devoted to her family (1:15-18), delighted in her work (2:2), was dedicated to Godly speech (2:10, 13), depended on God (2:12), dressed with care (3:3), was discreet with men (3:6-13), and delivered many blessings(4:14,15). Lord I thank You for those “Naomis” and I pray that You would continue to mold my heart as a "Ruth". I will leave you with the lyrics to this song:

Under His Wings 

"Under His wings I am safely abiding, 

Though the night deepens and tempests are wild; 

Still I can trust Him; I know He will keep me, 

He has redeemed me, and I am His child. 

Under His wings, what a refuge in sorrow! 

How the heart yearningly turns to His rest! 

Often when earth has no balm for my healing, 

There I find comfort, and there I am blessed. 

Under His wings, O what precious enjoyment! 

There will I hide till life's trials are o'er; 

Sheltered, protected, no evil can harm me, 

Resting in Jesus, I'm safe evermore. 

Under His wings, under His wings, 

Who from His love can sever? 

Under His wings my soul shall abide, 

Safely abide forever."